Duchess Beatrix

The Royal Summer

I would apologize for the lack up updates but, I am a Duchess so I don’t really have to. See, I have been keeping the Butler, who types these for me, very busy (surely you don’t think I would exert this kind of effort do you?). Lucky for you, I have relieved him of his many duties this evening to grace you, my adoring subjects, with official state photos of our various travels and holidays this summer.

Here is me with my Grandfather, Lord Dennis, on Fathers Day. Yes, I have noticed it too… He has my smile.

This summer also took us to Oslo in The Norway for the wedding of my cousin Pete to one Lady Kari. Thus uniting the land of Heckofalot and The Norway in a strategic bond against our shared enemies. At least I think that is what marriage is for… In any case, here are lots of photos in no particular order:

Then, after we returned from The Norway, we went to our patron’s, Lord Jason and Lady Rebbecca, grand hunting lodge. Thumbs up for lodges:

Of course, no summer would be complete without lots of swimming in the pool at our summer castle, The Summit House:

The Official Diplomatic Mission to The Denver by The Duchess of Heckofalot

When my mommy, The Princess, originally informed me that we would be making a special diplomatic mission to a land referred to as “Denver” I had no idea what the heck she was talking about. All I knew was that I was excited to go on my first diplomatic mission. So, I had The Butler use a special tool designed to search for all the worlds information (I don’t remember the name of it – Goo Goo, I think) to research what a Denver was.

First, he returned with the following results:

Now, I may be young but I am not a stupidhead and The Princess said this was a place and not a thing so I had The Butler refine his search on the Goo Goo. It was then that he returned with the following:

Now that looks like an interesting place. One that is worthy of our exploring “official diplomatic ties” with. It was only then that I agreed to go to The Denver and explore their cultural institutions to see if it would be a good fit for Heckofalot (i.e. if we could invade them and make them our subjects).

Here are The Princess and I arriving in The Denver. I really enjoyed my first plane ride. I enjoyed it to the point of exhaustion so I slept the whole way there:

We stayed, of course, in the nicest hotel in The Denver where they prepared the most luxurious suite and provided every amenity. Here I am testing out my bed to make sure it met our royal standards (i.e. no peas):

Then, it was off to enjoy a feast, held in our honor of course, at a local “Brew Pub”. Being that I do not eat such food and drink, I had The Butler report to me that the beer was good and that the Shepherds Pie, while made with lamb as opposed to beef, was acceptable. Here are the dignitaries that came to greet The Princess and I:

Following dinner was the ubiquitous carriage ride through the center of The Denver where many crowds were on hand to welcome us as the conquering heroes royal visitors we are.

Next, we visited their art museums to see what a fine collection they had.

If we did decide to invade, we would keep most of the modern collection, auction the asian and native collections, and eBay the British portraits (White people with crooked teeth kind of creep me out).

All in all, our mission to The Denver was a successful one and we look forward to many fruitful conversations with them in the future.

Stop the presses!

To all media, the royal postal services, tabloids and other publishing parties (and yes, the idea of a publishing party does sound quite dull).

The New Official Royal Photo of Her Majesty, Duchess Beatrix of Heckofalot, is officially released by The Palace and is available for distributed wide release:

 Please update your next publications accordingly.

In the interest of beating the tabloids to the punch, as it were, here are the official and decidedly controversial outtakes from the photoshoot…

Here is a rather cheeky and flirty photo of me I am sure will be construed in an unfavorable light:

And here I am saying to the Butler “Snap the damn picture already would you?!!!”

 I can assure you that no staff were harmed during this photshoot and rumors to the contrary will result in my taking it out on the staff.

Official Royal Update

I have heard various reports that The Butler has not been updating my loyal subjects through this blog. That is partly my fault as I have given him expanded duties in the area of catering to my every whim. With that said, I know how important it is you, my subjects, to know every detail of my life (as the many lies published in the tabloids about me show). Therefore, here is a brief peek into my life in the past month or so…

Our friends, Marlis, David and Elaine came to the palace for a visit recently, here is me enjoying the stimulating conversation. 

In fact, often find myself transfixed by stimulating conversation.

Here is The Princess and I at a May Day Parade that I am sure was being held in our honor. There were lots of funny smells and people and smelly funny people there. Our friend Xanthia is the blond lady in the background with the doggy.

It has been a slow road to Spring in Heckofalot. Many days are too cold to actually be considered Spring. Therefore, the Butler often dresses me in the many fine coats I own.

That being said, Mothers Day this year, wherein it was The Princesses first celebration of such, was a beautiful if not windy day.  Here are more pictures from the brunch held in her honor with other members of the royal family in attendence…

 The handsome Dukes were there of course:

Most of the time, I just like being at the palace with The Princess and the Butler.

One last thing, I am certain that if I grab the Butler’s finger hard enough, I can tmake him take me everywhere.

Oh, the places we have gone…

I would apologize for the lack of updates, but, I am a Duchess so I don’t have to! I am a very busy girl. As you will see, I have had lots of activities that have kept me away from keeping this blog thing up to date. Here are just a few of my recent events:

We have many holidays here in Heckofalot that you probably do not have in your lands. For instance, a few days ago it was Cross-Eyed, Funny-Hat Day.

I, of course, celebrated in grand style. We had such a good time. A little too good as it kind of tuckered me out…

…before we had to make an appearance at an official meeting of the Grand Lodge of Alt.Life.

I am not really sure what this Alt.Life organization is but they seem nice enough. I think they are like Freemasons, but for girls and without the funny handshakes. That being said, they would probably have a lot more fun if they wore funny hats and drove those small cars.

We have been going to lots of parties lately. Many of them held in my honor of course… This is one was held for us by a clandestine philanthropic society called “The Neighbors”. I think they are one of those organizations that secretly rule the world - like the Illuminati.

Their leader appears to be (you can never quite tell with these groups) a very nice lady called Judy…

They showered me with presents which The Princess and the butler took charge of opening them and being grateful for me…

Of course,The Princess and I are well experienced with holding court and thanking people for their continued patronage and respect of the crown…

Of course, many VIPs and dignitaries come directly to the palace to pay respects…

And those too far away and without the means to travel, often pay their respects via a special royal video communication service called iChat.

This special computer program is available only to agents of the crown and our intelligence services. One day, we may privatize it and make it available to all in Heckofalot.

Of all of the very fun things we have done over the past few weeks. Nothing is more enjoyable, or means more to me, than what I like to call “Sleepover Nights”. That is when me, The Princess and The Butler stay up until all hours at night. We take mudbaths and clean up after with a nice bath. I snack on the yummy food sacks for hours on end. We also play a game where we stare into each others eyes until someone blinks…

I always win…

Appointment of The Royal Clothiers

Yesterday, a gift was bestowed upon me by our loyal subjects and neighbors, Erika, Mark, Ella, Lucy, and Britta. The Princess reports they have a cottage just down the road from the castle. These fine clothes show the proper attention that should be paid to me.  

Please note the attention to detail and the fine craftsmanship. This kind of handywork is rare and reserved only for garments fit for royalty such as myself.

Needless to say, I am very pleased. As well as granting them 4 parcels of land in Heckofalot, I have bestowed upon them the title of Royal Clothier, and accompanying seal.  Look for it wherever you buy fine fashion.