Duchess Beatrix

Shower

On Labor Day, the Princess and I went to a shower for a fair lady named Christina.  I don’t know the difference between going to a shower and taking a shower, because I take baths.  However, I am pleased to report that this shower thing was very enjoyable.  There was a lot of good food, there were games, and there were gifts.  I was confused as to why the gifts were not for me (they all looked like they would fit, after all), so I fell asleep.

Here I am, with the Princess.  We are participating in some peasant tradition where you cut a length of the string that you think fits around the pregnant woman’s belly.  As you can see, the Princess is skilled in diplomacy, and I have learned much from her.

S-A-F-E-T-Y

On occasion, we at the Palace have safety drills, conducted by Inspector Tiger and Polo DuCat.  They ensure that I am always protected in case of emergency.  They were dubious about me releasing these photos of concealment techniques conducted during a recent drill, but I wanted you, my subjects, to know that I am always under the highest of security.

Outings

One of the many advantages of being in the Royal Family is the many outings we have. I love being out on the town (especially when others are paying). We have recently had many outings. To many to include them all here but here is just a smattering of the places I have been seen:

We attended a special performance of Songs of Hope, kids from all over the world brought together to sing for me:

Because some of the kids were wearing costumes, I thought I would wear one too.

Here I am in my “Punk Rock Girl” costume. Note the devilish shoes:

Of course, after the concert, many dignitaries were there to shake my hand:

Another destination this summer was The Saint Paul Irish Fair:

We love the Irish. When we invade them and make them cook for us daily, we will love them even more!

Because of the pending invasion (and the fact it was a very hot day) I mainly kept a low profile by hanging out under a shade tree rolling in the grass and eating The Butler’s diaper bag:

Of course, being The Duchess means being interviewed by many people claiming to want to do a smear job interview with me. Fortunately, there are a few good journalists out there. Recently, we had lunch with Julio:

He asked me many questions about my thoughts on technology and the many special top secret devices our inteligence services are using in the field. To summarize; Technology is good. People should have it. Top Secret stuff is top secret for a reason. It is, therefore, none of your business.

I think he was satisfied with my candor…

There was a nice dinner out with friends of The Royal Family, Con and Muriel:

We ate a a lovely Indian Restaurant that The Butler reports was quite good. I am not quite sure how The Butler rates restaurants but if it is judged by the amount of time one spends in the bathroom after a meal then it must have been excellent.

One day, I will make him puree some rice and curry just for me…

Of course, no set of outings would be complete if I did not mention my Grandfather, Lord Dennis. We went to a place called Minnehaha Falls where we ate a lovely dinner and then he entertained me by making silly faces:

One last thing… Isn’t The Princess Beautiful?

The Royal Summer

I would apologize for the lack up updates but, I am a Duchess so I don’t really have to. See, I have been keeping the Butler, who types these for me, very busy (surely you don’t think I would exert this kind of effort do you?). Lucky for you, I have relieved him of his many duties this evening to grace you, my adoring subjects, with official state photos of our various travels and holidays this summer.

Here is me with my Grandfather, Lord Dennis, on Fathers Day. Yes, I have noticed it too… He has my smile.

This summer also took us to Oslo in The Norway for the wedding of my cousin Pete to one Lady Kari. Thus uniting the land of Heckofalot and The Norway in a strategic bond against our shared enemies. At least I think that is what marriage is for… In any case, here are lots of photos in no particular order:

Then, after we returned from The Norway, we went to our patron’s, Lord Jason and Lady Rebbecca, grand hunting lodge. Thumbs up for lodges:

Of course, no summer would be complete without lots of swimming in the pool at our summer castle, The Summit House:

The Official Diplomatic Mission to The Denver by The Duchess of Heckofalot

When my mommy, The Princess, originally informed me that we would be making a special diplomatic mission to a land referred to as “Denver” I had no idea what the heck she was talking about. All I knew was that I was excited to go on my first diplomatic mission. So, I had The Butler use a special tool designed to search for all the worlds information (I don’t remember the name of it – Goo Goo, I think) to research what a Denver was.

First, he returned with the following results:

Now, I may be young but I am not a stupidhead and The Princess said this was a place and not a thing so I had The Butler refine his search on the Goo Goo. It was then that he returned with the following:

Now that looks like an interesting place. One that is worthy of our exploring “official diplomatic ties” with. It was only then that I agreed to go to The Denver and explore their cultural institutions to see if it would be a good fit for Heckofalot (i.e. if we could invade them and make them our subjects).

Here are The Princess and I arriving in The Denver. I really enjoyed my first plane ride. I enjoyed it to the point of exhaustion so I slept the whole way there:

We stayed, of course, in the nicest hotel in The Denver where they prepared the most luxurious suite and provided every amenity. Here I am testing out my bed to make sure it met our royal standards (i.e. no peas):

Then, it was off to enjoy a feast, held in our honor of course, at a local “Brew Pub”. Being that I do not eat such food and drink, I had The Butler report to me that the beer was good and that the Shepherds Pie, while made with lamb as opposed to beef, was acceptable. Here are the dignitaries that came to greet The Princess and I:

Following dinner was the ubiquitous carriage ride through the center of The Denver where many crowds were on hand to welcome us as the conquering heroes royal visitors we are.

Next, we visited their art museums to see what a fine collection they had.

If we did decide to invade, we would keep most of the modern collection, auction the asian and native collections, and eBay the British portraits (White people with crooked teeth kind of creep me out).

All in all, our mission to The Denver was a successful one and we look forward to many fruitful conversations with them in the future.

Stop the presses!

To all media, the royal postal services, tabloids and other publishing parties (and yes, the idea of a publishing party does sound quite dull).

The New Official Royal Photo of Her Majesty, Duchess Beatrix of Heckofalot, is officially released by The Palace and is available for distributed wide release:

 Please update your next publications accordingly.

In the interest of beating the tabloids to the punch, as it were, here are the official and decidedly controversial outtakes from the photoshoot…

Here is a rather cheeky and flirty photo of me I am sure will be construed in an unfavorable light:

And here I am saying to the Butler “Snap the damn picture already would you?!!!”

 I can assure you that no staff were harmed during this photshoot and rumors to the contrary will result in my taking it out on the staff.

Official Royal Update

I have heard various reports that The Butler has not been updating my loyal subjects through this blog. That is partly my fault as I have given him expanded duties in the area of catering to my every whim. With that said, I know how important it is you, my subjects, to know every detail of my life (as the many lies published in the tabloids about me show). Therefore, here is a brief peek into my life in the past month or so…

Our friends, Marlis, David and Elaine came to the palace for a visit recently, here is me enjoying the stimulating conversation. 

In fact, often find myself transfixed by stimulating conversation.

Here is The Princess and I at a May Day Parade that I am sure was being held in our honor. There were lots of funny smells and people and smelly funny people there. Our friend Xanthia is the blond lady in the background with the doggy.

It has been a slow road to Spring in Heckofalot. Many days are too cold to actually be considered Spring. Therefore, the Butler often dresses me in the many fine coats I own.

That being said, Mothers Day this year, wherein it was The Princesses first celebration of such, was a beautiful if not windy day.  Here are more pictures from the brunch held in her honor with other members of the royal family in attendence…

 The handsome Dukes were there of course:

Most of the time, I just like being at the palace with The Princess and the Butler.

One last thing, I am certain that if I grab the Butler’s finger hard enough, I can tmake him take me everywhere.