December 2011
2 posts
October 2011
3 posts
WatchDancing with my subjects to Rogue Valley at the opening of a new school in Heckofalot.
September 2011
4 posts
April 2011
3 posts
March 2011
1 post
February 2011
1 post
January 2011
2 posts
December 2010
4 posts
November 2010
5 posts
July 2010
1 post
May 2010
1 post
April 2010
1 post
A rose by any other name...
I know it has been a while since I had The Butler post anything here. As I said before, I have far more important things to do then blather on about myself, no matter how much my loyal subjects (that’s you) expect and demand it.
For instance, as my last post revealed. I have been off in distant lands slaughtering the gutless hordes on diplomatic missions. Along these journeys, as I was...
December 2009
1 post
July 2009
1 post
Official Update on The Duchess from the Royal...
I have been very, very busy. As you will see, far too busy to take the time to be blathering on about myself here. That said, I know there are some of you, with far to much time on your hands, who insist that I do. Therefore, here is an update…
As Duchess, I am often asked to lend name and face to a variety of products and appear at promotional events. Here I am lending my face to a new...
May 2009
1 post
WatchStaff… Let’s face it, they are not always reliable and, frankly, not very fast. Sometimes, you have to take certain matters into your own hands if you plan on getting anywhere in life (let alone in the next few minutes).
February 2009
1 post
7 Random Things
According to The Butler, I have been “tagged” in a “meme” to post 7 random things about myself here. Most of what he said I don’t understand (words like “meme” are way too technical for me). I will play along to humor my adoring subjects who obviously have nothing better to fill their heads with.
Heckofalot is not a Kingdom. There is no King....
December 2008
1 post
Breaking News! Terrorist Kidnapping Plot Foiled!!!
Don’t panic! The terrorist plot to kidnap me, The Duchess of Heckofalot, has been foiled. The bearded, fat, ringleader of the plot has been dealt with.
Luckily, the ever-present paparazzi finally did something useful and were there to take pictures of the plot in action.
Here I am in the arms of the bearded fat man, screaming for my dear life!:
Here is The Princess, bravely swooping in...
November 2008
1 post
Big Holiday
It was some sort of big holiday yesterday in Heckofalot. I am not sure what it was but, based upon the costume The Butler and The Princess made me wear I am guessing it was…
Tropical Fruit Appreciation Day!
I did not know that Pumpkins were a tropical fruit. Did you? Well, now you do.
October 2008
1 post
Royal Updates
Here is a report of some of the many Diplomatic Missions and other outing and events the Royal family (and it’s loyal staff) have recently attended…
The Princess, Butler and I attended something I think was called an Affair of State. Which I guess is different than having a State of Affairs but I am not sure how. Here is a picture of us at the Affair:
Maybe an Affair of State is...
September 2008
1 post
Shower
On Labor Day, the Princess and I went to a shower for a fair lady named Christina. I don’t know the difference between going to a shower and taking a shower, because I take baths. However, I am pleased to report that this shower thing was very enjoyable. There was a lot of good food, there were games, and there were gifts. I was confused as to why the gifts were not for me (they all...
August 2008
4 posts
S-A-F-E-T-Y
On occasion, we at the Palace have safety drills, conducted by Inspector Tiger and Polo DuCat. They ensure that I am always protected in case of emergency. They were dubious about me releasing these photos of concealment techniques conducted during a recent drill, but I wanted you, my subjects, to know that I am always under the highest of security.
Outings
One of the many advantages of being in the Royal Family is the many outings we have. I love being out on the town (especially when others are paying). We have recently had many outings. To many to include them all here but here is just a smattering of the places I have been seen:
We attended a special performance of Songs of Hope, kids from all over the world brought together to sing for me:
...
The Royal Summer
I would apologize for the lack up updates but, I am a Duchess so I don’t really have to. See, I have been keeping the Butler, who types these for me, very busy (surely you don’t think I would exert this kind of effort do you?). Lucky for you, I have relieved him of his many duties this evening to grace you, my adoring subjects, with official state photos of our various travels and...
June 2008
1 post
The Official Diplomatic Mission to The Denver by...
When my mommy, The Princess, originally informed me that we would be making a special diplomatic mission to a land referred to as “Denver” I had no idea what the heck she was talking about. All I knew was that I was excited to go on my first diplomatic mission. So, I had The Butler use a special tool designed to search for all the worlds information (I don’t remember the name of...
May 2008
2 posts
Stop the presses!
To all media, the royal postal services, tabloids and other publishing parties (and yes, the idea of a publishing party does sound quite dull). The New Official Royal Photo of Her Majesty, Duchess Beatrix of Heckofalot, is officially released by The Palace and is available for distributed wide release: Please update your next publications accordingly. In the interest of beating the tabloids to...
Official Royal Update
I have heard various reports that The Butler has not been updating my loyal subjects through this blog. That is partly my fault as I have given him expanded duties in the area of catering to my every whim. With that said, I know how important it is you, my subjects, to know every detail of my life (as the many lies published in the tabloids about me show). Therefore, here is a brief peek into my...
April 2008
2 posts
March 2008
3 posts
Oh, the places we have gone...
I would apologize for the lack of updates, but, I am a Duchess so I don’t have to! I am a very busy girl. As you will see, I have had lots of activities that have kept me away from keeping this blog thing up to date. Here are just a few of my recent events: We have many holidays here in Heckofalot that you probably do not have in your lands. For instance, a few days ago it was Cross-Eyed,...
Appointment of The Royal Clothiers
Yesterday, a gift was bestowed upon me by our loyal subjects and neighbors, Erika, Mark, Ella, Lucy, and Britta. The Princess reports they have a cottage just down the road from the castle. These fine clothes show the proper attention that should be paid to me. Please note the attention to detail and the fine craftsmanship. This kind of handywork is rare and reserved only for garments fit for...
February 2008
13 posts
So, you have been granted land in Heckofalot...
As The Duchess of Heckofalot, I am often humbled by the gifts and complements that you, my loyal subjects, bestow upon me. Often, in order to show my gratitude, I grant “Parcels of Land” in my fair country of Heckofalot. There have been many questions about the rules and laws surrounding the Parcel grants. Therefore, I shall answer any questions worthy of doing so here: How big is a...
Eating Etiquette in Heckofalot
When you are in Heckofalot, and you are invited to dinner, and you have a really good meal, and you want to show your host (and their chef) appreciation, the best way to do it is to spit a little of it back up. Yes, you read right. Don’t laugh. See, some cultures simply burp loudly after a decent meal to show thanks and, while that may pass as a polite “it was OK” here in my...